Lost 'Til You're Found
by Susangel
Summary: Have you ever wondered what happened to Cas when he got dragged back to Heaven in 4.20?   Co-Written with Zeppx
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **Okay…So…I know some of you guys already read this, since it was co-written with the lovely Zeppx and she has posted this a _long_ time ago, but I figured instead of having an empty profile the least I could do was to post the stories I've already co-written… :P

So there you go :P

For those of you who haven't read this before, it's part of Zeppx's AU verse and, though you don't have to read it to understand this, it would probably make a lot more sense (and it's totally worth it since her stories are amazing)…

If you don't want to read it, all you have to know is that Gabriel's still alive, Jimmy was brought back and in his own body, Sam is dating Sarah and Sophie's Dean and Cas' adoptive daughter :)

**Warnings:** This contains scenes of torture…Though nothing to graphic…Read at your own risk.

**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately, I own nothing…It would be awesome if I did though :D

Oh! And this is dedicated to **Zeppx** for giving me the writer's bug :D You're awesome sweetie ;)

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><p>"<em>Lost 'til you're found, swim 'til you drown<em>

_Know that we all fall down_

_Love 'til you hate, strong 'til you break_

_Know that we all fall down_

_If ever your world starts crashing down_

_Whenever your world starts crashing down_

_That's where you'll find me."_

All Fall Down - OneRepublic

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><p>"What do you think Cas? Demon?" Castiel turned from surveying the surrounding area to look at Sam; he nodded and pointed towards a warehouse across the street.<p>

"It's in there."

"I've never been happier to have your radar around Cas; this is much quicker than searching_ all_ of the buildings." Castiel nodded his agreement and the two moved towards the door, Sam holding the Colt down by his side while Castiel adjusted the grip on his old sword. It felt different now, not as light and more awkward than anything in his grip, but it still did the job and he still handled it with the ease that only thousands of years of practice could produce.

Sam nodded from his position on the right side of the door, Colt up and ready to fire as Castiel pushed the door open, allowing Sam to enter first before he followed closely behind.

The screaming was the first thing that Castiel became aware of, followed closely by the smell. What little he had left of his angelic senses picked up on the demons presence towards the back of the warehouse, the smell of decay and hellfire was strong and only getting stronger as they got closer to the demon.

Castiel placed a hand on Sam's shoulder, halting their progress, "It knows we're here."

"There goes the element of surprise then."

Castiel shook his head and whispered, "It doesn't know who we are, it just wants to go back to Hell, thinks we're here to exorcise it, not kill it."

"That's good at least."

"Just shoot it Sam, don't bother with talking to it. I'll get the man down." Sam nodded and strode forward while Castiel circled around towards the back where the demon's latest victim would be. The screaming cut off when Sam's voice echoed through the warehouse, pulling the demons attention away. Castiel moved forward, out from behind stacks of boxes to where the demon had strung up his victim, Jacob Matthews, much like the demons had done to the souls on racks in Hell. He'd been strung up-

-_by his wings, heavy chains made of metal that couldn't be found on Earth, sigils carved into the surface keep Castiel contained, unable to fight. He was hanging by his wings, sharp hooks piercing them just underneath the arch of bone. He'd learned to stop struggling hours ago, his movements causing the hooks to dig deeper, cause more damage. The pain was immense, unlike anything he's ever felt before-_

"Cas! _Castiel_!" Castiel blinked, tore his gaze away from the chains holding Jacob up by his wrists, Sam was unhooking Jacob, the demon dead on the ground behind him.

"Cas! Get over here and help me get him down!" Castiel nodded and rushed over, accepting the key Sam must have pulled off the demon to unlock the cuffs around the man's ankles. The two of them got Jacob to the car and to the nearest hospital, both of them leaving before they could be questioned by doctors or cops.

The ride back to the hotel was silent, Sam didn't ask what happened with Castiel and Castiel didn't explain anything. He frowned at his reflection in the window, why now of all times would he think about when he'd been dragged back to Heaven? He hadn't thought about his time in Zachariah's 'rehabilitation' for years. Why would he suddenly go back to the time he'd been dragged back to Heaven, which had ended up being months of torture for him while only a few days had passed on Earth?

"Cas…are you okay?" Castiel drew himself back to the present, turned his attention to Sam who was looking at him with worry, forehead creased and brows drawn together. They were at the hotel, must have been for a while now for Sam to be concerned with Castiel's lack of response.

"I'm fine Sam."

"You sure? You've been spaced out for a couple minutes now."

Castiel sighed, shrugged and reached for the door handle, "Just tired I guess." Sam nodded; not looking very convinced but got out of the car as well, letting them into the hotel room where they went their separate ways for a while. Sam disappeared into the shower and Cas turned his phone back on so he could call home and let Dean know everything was okay.

"So, just a demon thinking he'd be sent back to Hell huh?" Castiel sat down on the bed with a sigh, "Yes, he was one of those demons that prefer the torturing of souls rather than causing trouble up here."

"Well at least he didn't cause you guys any trouble, went down without a fight."

"Yes, easy case, we should be home by tomorrow."

"Good, Sophie and Grace are driving me nuts dude. Do-

_-you really think you can make a difference Castiel?" Castiel stared up at Zachariah as his superior paced in front of him. Ramiel and Hamael stood on either side of him, Ramiel holding Castiel's sword, which was dripping with Castiel's blood. Zachariah probably found it poetic, torturing Castiel with his own blade._

_Castiel watched as Zachariah snapped his fingers at Ramiel who handed Castiel's blade over without comment or question. Castiel didn't know why both Ramiel and Hamael are needed here, his wings are useless now, bones broken and delicate flesh torn. Every small movement of his shoulders and back sends bolts of excruciating pain through damaged nerves. _

_Hamael looks slightly worried as Zachariah opens a small vial of thick red liquid, Castiel immediately knew what it was, smelled the sulfur from where he's kneeling, he knows what will happen. He gazed up at Hamael, trying to catch his brother's eye, tried to beg and plead without actually speaking. Hamael though, drew his wings tighter against his back and fixed his gaze elsewhere. Ramiel is the same, wings tight to his back, fists clenched and gaze elsewhere._

_Castiel tried to get their attention, tried to ask for help, reached out with his grace, pleading for them to _say_ something, to _help_ him. But they continued to ignore-_

"_Cas_!" Castiel blinked rapidly, taking in the fading yellow paint of the wall across from him, the stained brown carpet beneath his shoes, "Damnit Cas, would you answer me!"

"I'm here Dean, I'm sorry I was…distracted." Castiel's hands were shaking, he shoved the one currently not holding the phone to his ear between his thigh and the bedspread, the other clutched his phone so tightly the plastic creaked ominously.

"Must have been a hell of a distraction." Castiel sighed, closed his eyes and whispered, "I'm sorry Dean, I should go. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Cas, wait-" Castiel ended the call before Dean could keep him on the phone, get him talking. This wasn't something Castiel wished to discuss, he doesn't understand it himself so there would be no help from Dean knowing. He doesn't understand why this is happening, doesn't understand _what_ is happening.

Castiel leaned forward until his elbows were resting on his knees, bringing his hands up to rub at his forehead and temples, this is not something Castiel needed happening to him now. He certainly does not need to go and lose his mind because of it either.

"Not getting a migraine are you?" Castiel jumped at Sam's voice coming from behind him, he hadn't heard the bathroom door open or the shower shut off.

"No, just…tired."

"Well, hop in the shower. If we leave in an hour we can hit home by dinner tomorrow night." Castiel nodded, ignoring the worried look Sam was giving him, gathered clean clothes and a towel and locked himself in the bathroom.

By the time Castiel emerged from the bathroom Sam had everything but Castiel's things packed and put away in the car. Castiel dressed and packed quickly, he understood Sam's desire to get home as soon as possible, he too wanted to get back home.

"Hey Cas, sure you're okay?" They'd managed several hours in silence, nothing but the radio playing quietly in the background to break it; Castiel looked over at Sam, saw the concerned look again and looked away from him. He couldn't bear to see Sam looking at him like that right now, didn't want to think about what Sam's thinking about.

"I'm fine Sam."

"You're sure? You've been acting awfully spacey since the warehouse; you didn't get whammied with anything did you? Dean'll kill me if something happens to you." Castiel smiled slightly at his reflection in the window, "Don't worry Sam, I'm fine."

"If you're sure. Why don't you take a nap or something if you're that tired, I'll wake you up for dinner." Castiel nodded, he could go for a nap, and he'd for once gotten up early that morning to go on a run and to finish the research from the night before. Sam's car wasn't as comfortable as the Impala, but Castiel shifted until he was in a comfortable enough position and soon drifted off.

_Castiel had been healed more times than he could count, he was strapped down on a table now, arms and legs bound down by his sides, wings spread out across the small room. Zachariah was there, along with Ramiel, Hamael has long since been dismissed, Zachariah had probably sensed the other angel's distress and discomfort about what they had been doing to Castiel._

_Castiel couldn't understand Hamael's discomfort, they hadn't been particularly close, were from different garrisons. Ramiel, however, they were close, as close as angels could be to one another. They'd trained together, fought together, spent time on Earth with him along with Uriel, Anael and Balthazar. Ramiel seemed not to remember any of this as he turned to Castiel, Castiel's sword in his hands; the tip had been dipped into the container of blood. Castiel knew what was coming, but no matter how he braced himself, no matter how many times he'd try to bite back his screams he always failed._

_The first cut was shallow but ran along the base of his wing, an angel's most sensitive area. The demon's blood spread like wildfire through his body, even the smallest trace was painful, it cut deep down, to his very core, ate away at his grace and left scars that would never heal._

_Another cut, at the base of his other wing, deeper this time, much more painful. Castiel tried to hold in his screams, tried not to whimper and cry out. Tried not to beg Ramiel to stop, to just let him go. They were _brothers_ surely brothers didn't do such things to one another; surely this wasn't how it was supposed to be._

"_You're thinking too much like a human still Castiel." Zachariah's voice came from behind Castiel, Castiel shifted slightly so he could see Zachariah pacing along the back wall of the small room they were in._

"_You need to remember who you truly are Castiel. You're just a foot solider, nothing more, nothing less. You do as you're told and you do it without question. Do you understand?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Are you willing to obey your orders now Castiel?"_

"_No." Zachariah made a disgusted noise from behind Castiel, he nodded at Ramiel and another, much deeper cut went into his side, demons blood setting fire to his grace._

"_I don't understand your fascination with this human Castiel. He's nothing, we could crush him without a single thought yet you do as he asks without question, following his orders as swiftly as you should follow mine, yet you don't."_

_Another cut, followed by another and another and another. Castiel could feel the blood taking hold, could feel his grace working harder to get rid of the infection, much like a humans immune system. His limbs were shaking, his temperature rose as his grace fought, he felt strange, like he was flying even though he wasn't. He blinked a few times but the room continued to dip and curve, Zachariah's voice was far away, echoing strangely in the room._

_Distantly Castiel heard the sound of his sword being set down; faintly he felt Ramiel's hands on his right wing, gentle but firm, gently stroking and soothing the ruffled feathers. Castiel knew not to relax as much as he wanted to, but this was something different, the first time Ramiel has touched his wings like this, with something like regret._

_The first snap of bone was loud in the quiet room and Castiel-_

-bolted upright, his scream caught in his throat. Sam stopped shaking him, his eyes wide with concern, "Jesus, Cas, you were really out." Castiel blinked at him, breath coming out in harsh pants, a phantom ache along his back where his wings used to be.

"Was it a nightmare?" Castiel looked over to Sam, hesitated then nodded. He took a moment to take in where they were, a parking lot in front of a diner; he must have slept clear through to dinner time.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"No. I'm fine Sam; let's just get something to eat." Sam stared hard at him, brows furrowing before he sighed and climbed out of the car grumbling, "Dean is a bad influence on you."

Castiel couldn't find it in himself to argue as he followed Sam into the diner.

Dean frowned at the wall in front of him, Sam's voice coming in quiet and quick over the phone, "I don't know Dean, something is off with Cas."

"Define 'off' Sammy." He heard Sam's sigh, could imagine the bitch face he'd be pulling right now.

"I don't know Dean. He's been spacey since we left the warehouse, and he had a nightmare in the car." Dean felt himself frown again, Cas didn't really do nightmares, didn't do dreams period. Several centuries of not sleeping or dreaming apparently having rubbed off on Cas, leaving his sleep mostly dreamless. There was the occasional _happy _dream and if something happened to Dean on a hunt an occasional nightmare about Dean dying, nothing beyond that though.

"It was a pretty intense one too, took me forever to wake him up." Dean rubbed a hand over his face, something was off with Cas, he knew this. Cas hadn't been his full self in their earlier phone conversation, including the whole 'distracted' thing. Distracted Dean's ass, he'd heard the harsh breathing, the few stray whimpers, Cas was going through _something_ and he didn't want to tell.

"I'll talk to him when you guys get home Sam. Not much I can do over the phone." Especially if the asshole hung up on him like he had earlier.

"Alright. We'll be there this time tomorrow." Dean nodded even though Sam couldn't see it, hung up, and turned to look into the living room. Sophie was curled up on the couch with Grace who looked extraordinarily displeased with the situation, Cas had wanted to take her with him on the hunt but Sophie had refused, claiming Grace needed to stay behind to help Socks acclimate to his new home.

Sophie looked over at him with a large grin and asked, "Papa gonna be home soon?"

"Yeah, this time tomorrow night." Sophie let out an excited squeal and jumped off the couch and headed for Dean, she slammed into his legs and wrapped herself around him. Grace watched them from the couch, a large sigh escaping from her. The dog could be a bigger drama queen than Sam sometimes.

"Jeez Sophie, he's only been gone for two days."

"Two days is two days too long!" Dean couldn't help himself; he grinned down at her and lifted her into a hug until she squirmed to be let down. She bounced back over to the couch, situating herself around Grace again and turned her attention to the movie on TV. Dean had such a great family.

The next day when Cas came home he could see instantly something was wrong, he was distracted and fidgety, there were dark circles under his eyes which were flicking everywhere instead of focusing in on Dean like a tractor beam. He even _jumped_ when Sam slammed the front door shut behind them, he smiled through when Sophie barreled into him, hugged her tight and close and did the same with Dean.

When everything had calmed down and Sam had left to return to his own family, Dean followed Cas into the kitchen, watching as he opened the fridge and peered in at the contents. Dean leaned against the counter, arms crossed over his chest as Cas began pulling ingredients out for dinner.

"So." Cas' eyes flicked over to Dean then back to the fridge, "So?"

"Going to tell me what's up Cas? Or am I going to have to guess?" He saw Cas' brows furrow, his mouth tightened and those blue eyes flicked over to Dean again, all sure signs he was hiding something.

"There's nothing going on Dean."

"Sam said you had a nightmare."

"Nightmares aren't uncommon."

"They are for you." Cas sighed and headed for the sink to wash his hands. Dean snagged him around the waist as he passed and pulled him back, turning Cas so they were facing each other.

"Sam also said you were acting spacey and not all together."

"Sam meddles."

"He's worried about you."

"There's nothing to be worried about." Dean sighed and pulled Cas closer so their hips and chests were pressed together, "Cas, there's _something_ going on here."

"Dean I'm _fine_. Sam is just reading too much into a simple situation. There's no need to worry yourselves." Dean stared at Cas who stared right back, Dean knew there was something going on here, could see the exhaustion and weariness in those familiar blue eyes.

"You remember your first migraine Cas?" One of Cas' hands slid around Dean's waist, fingertips pressing into the tense muscles of his lower back, Cas nodded and continued the one handed massage, he was trying to distract Dean, but it wasn't going to work this time. Not yet anyway.

"Well, Gabriel said you could easily have gone insane. So you're not…you know…going crazy?" Cas chuckled and rested his forehead against Dean's shoulder, then he sighed, pulled away from Dean and headed for the sink again.

"No Dean, I'm not losing my mind."

"Are you sure? Maybe we should call Gabriel down to check, crazy people don't think they're the crazy ones you know." Cas rolled his eyes at Dean and returned to his assortment of dinner ingredients spread over the kitchen counter.

"You don't need to bring Gabriel into all of this, there's nothing to worry about." Cas pulled a cutting board from its spot, set an onion on it and reached for one of the knives in the cutting board. Dean opened his mouth to speak but stopped when he noticed Cas had frozen, eyes locked on the knife he'd pulled free, they quickly lost their focus and Dean could tell Cas' mind had gone elsewhere.

"Cas?" No response. Dean frowned and walked over to Cas, rested a hand on his shoulder and shook him a little. Cas' shoulder was rigid under Dean's hand, his eyes were focused on something not in the kitchen and his breaths were coming out in quick, harsh pants.

"Cas!" Nothing. Dean shook him harder, gently slapped a cheek and prodded Cas in his ticklish spot on his side. Nothing got a response, Cas was just…gone. Dean was close to panicking and calling Gabriel or 911, _something,_ when Cas finally snapped out of it, blinking rapidly and staring down at the knife in shock.

"Cas?" Cas blinked over at him, stared back down at the knife he currently had a death grip on and said, "Dean."

"Okay, after seeing that there is no way you're fine Cas."

"I am fine. I guess I'm still tired."

"There's no way that was from exhaustion. It was like you weren't even here anymore! What the hell is going on with you Cas?"

"Nothing Dean."

"Cas, damnit-" Cas slammed the knife down onto the counter, glared over at Dean and snapped, "I said I'm _fine_! Just back off!" Dean watched in shock as Cas turned and stormed out of the kitchen, and stomped up the stairs, a few seconds after that the door to what Dean assumed was the office slammed shut.

Sophie poked her head into the kitchen, a frown on her face as she asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing Sophie. How about pizza for dinner tonight?" Sophie nodded, grinned, and disappeared back into the living room. Dean sighed and stared at the knife that Cas had left on the kitchen counter, he would need the big guns for this issue.

Castiel stayed hidden in the office for the rest of the night, he hadn't meant to snap at Dean, hadn't meant to storm away but he'd done it all anyway. He couldn't tell if he was ashamed, embarrassed or still annoyed. He was possibly all three. He just didn't want to face Dean right now, Castiel was _tired_, he wanted to sleep but then again he didn't because when he slept he dreamt. Castiel had never really remembered his dreams, he knew he had them because every human had dreams, but he just didn't remember them. These though, were more than dreams, they were _memories_. What was happening to him had dawned on him in the kitchen after the knife had triggered another memory to come up from the depths of his mind.

Memories of being dragged back to Heaven, Zachariah's torture to break him and return Castiel to Heaven's way. _Zachariah's_ way, keep him from warning Dean and Sam the plans that had been laid out for them. Since he'd had his grace to cushion the memories, since he'd always been too busy with the Apocalypse and searching for God the memories had never bothered him. Now they were back, filtering in through his subconscious and reminding him he'd been through something any normal person would have issues with.

What had Sam called it when Dean had relived his memories of Hell? PTSD, something Castiel was now experiencing with his memories of Heaven. Just why _now_ of all things confused him, he'd been human for years now, what had set him off?

Castiel sighed and buried his face into the couch cushions. He'd tried to work earlier but he couldn't focus enough. He just wanted to forget again, move on from this and be happy with his life like he had been.

There was a quiet knock on the office door before it opened and Sophie's head poked through, "Papa?" Castiel sat upright and forced a smile for her.

"Yes, Sophie?"

"Tuck me in?" Castiel glanced at his watch, winced at the time and stood, more than happy for the distraction of tucking her in. Sophie grinned up at him, took his hand and the two headed down the hallway and into her bedroom. Grace was waiting for them on Sophie's bed, her tail thumping against the covers when her eyes landed on Castiel.

Grace hopped off the bed when Sophie crawled into it; Castiel sat down on the edge, pulled the blankets up around her chin and tucked them in around her sides. She giggled up at him and the sound lifted his heavy heart.

"Would you like a story?" Her latest favorite was _Where the Wild Things Are_; Castiel found himself enjoying the story as well and wouldn't mind reading some more of it to her tonight. Sophie hummed in thought though before shaking her head, "Sing to me instead?"

"Very well." Castiel stood and turned off the overhead light and made sure the small lamp on her desk was turned on. Sophie moved over on her bed, making space for Castiel to sit beside her, when he was settled she turned onto her side, rested her head against Castiel's side and slung her arm over his waist.

Castiel waited until she was settled before he draped his arm over her, lightly stroking her shoulder while he began singing an old Enochian song. It may have been considered a lullaby a long time ago, but now it was simply a song of love and peace, he sang it often to Mary when he was putting her to sleep and Sophie had a love for the song as well.

By the time he was halfway through Sophie was a warm, sleeping weight against his side. Castiel smiled down at her, gently slid out from underneath her and tucked her back in underneath her blankets before slipping out of her room, Grace following behind him.

Castiel spotted Dean standing in the doorway to their bedroom, arms crossed over his chest, his eyes followed Castiel as he left Sophie's room and Castiel felt his cheeks flush with his shame from earlier. He wasn't ready to confront Dean with all of this, didn't want Dean to worry, so Castiel turned and rushed into his office, closing the door after allowing Grace to slip in behind him.

He heard Dean sigh on the other side of the door and heard his footsteps heading downstairs to lock up for the night. Castiel didn't intend to sleep in the office, he would go and crawl into bed with Dean when Dean had fallen asleep, and perhaps he was taking the cowards way about this but he just wasn't ready to face Dean yet. Wasn't ready to face anyone.

Castiel dozed fitfully on the small couch, partially out of fear of falling asleep and dreaming and partially because the couch was _small_ which made it uncomfortable. Grace lay on the floor, head resting on her paws; she was close enough for Castiel to touch whenever he let his hand trail over the side of the couch.

It was around four in the morning when Castiel finally decided Dean would have fallen asleep, he had to get up early to go to work so he wouldn't stay up waiting for Castiel, he was pretty sure of this.

Castiel crept into their room, Grace sticking his side like glue. He changed out of his clothes quickly, opting only for pajama bottoms since it was still warm outside from the spring heat wave they were experiencing. He crawled into bed, wincing when Grace leapt up onto her spot on the bottom of the bed. She rarely slept up on the bed now, preferring her own bed over in the corner instead of being kicked by wayward feet while the two men slept. Dean didn't move though, Castiel knew he was faking his sleep since anything and everything would wake Dean up.

It was several minutes before Dean rolled over, his hand landing on Castiel's bare arm, thumb stroking the soft skin there.

"Cas, you awake?" Castiel remained silent, kept his eyes shut and his breathing slow and even. He could fake just as well as Dean when he wanted to.

Dean sighed and whispered, "I'm sorry okay? I didn't mean to piss you off." Apparently, Dean knew when Castiel was faking just as well as Castiel knew when Dean was faking.

With a sigh, Castiel rolled over, looked at Dean and muttered, "I'm not angry Dean. I was just…"

"Just what?" Castiel hesitated and Dean slid his arm over Castiel's waist, pulling him close.

"Embarrassed I suppose. I didn't mean to shout at you."

"It's okay Cas."

"You should sleep Dean; you have to get up early for work." Dean nodded and kissed Castiel's shoulder, his breathing evened out in sleep shortly after.

Sleep didn't find Castiel at all that night.

Castiel was walking the fine line of sleep and wakefulness when he heard the bedroom door open and shut quietly. Grace shifted down by his feet but didn't raise any kind of alarm so he continued lying where Dean had left him earlier that morning.

"Cas?"

Castiel sighed and opened his eyes, Jimmy was peering down at him a look of concern on his face. Apparently, Dean was trying to gang up on Castiel.

"Hello Jimmy."

"Whatcha still doing in bed?" Castiel shrugged and watched as Jimmy sat on the edge of the bed, his hand coming to rest on Castiel's foot.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine Jimmy."

"Dean and Sam seem to think otherwise."

"They're being overbearing." Jimmy smiled and patted Castiel's foot, "Want some time to yourself today? I can take Sophie to the movies; Claire has wanted to see her anyway." Castiel thought about it, as much as he did want to be left alone Sophie was a nice distraction from everything that was going on in his head.

"Sure Jimmy, if you want to."

"Awesome. Why don't you get your lazy ass out of bed and make us some breakfast then before we head out?" Castiel nodded and dragged himself out of bed, pulled on a shirt and followed Jimmy downstairs where Sophie was occupied with watching her morning cartoons. Castiel was slightly disappointed that she hadn't come and crawled into bed with him that morning; Jimmy must have told her not to.

Sophie immediately shot up off the couch when she spotted him; she slammed into his legs, wrapped her arms around him and beamed, "Morning Papa!"

Castiel managed an actual smile, tugged on her hair, "Morning Sophie. Pancakes?"

"Yes!" Nothing out of the ordinary happened during breakfast; Castiel made them all pancakes and bacon, and listened as Jimmy and Sophie made plans for the day. They would be going to the movies and to the zoo, which would leave Castiel alone for most of the day.

Part of him was happy about this, the other not so much.

It was nearing late afternoon when Jimmy, Claire and Sophie came home. Castiel was relieved to hear them, the silence in the house was oppressing and he'd run out of things to do to keep himself occupied. Castiel listened with a small smile as he heard Sophie shout for him, run into the living room and then into the kitchen where he was currently seated.

"Papa!" She plowed into his legs, clambered up onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging tight before saying, "I love you Papa."

"I love you too Sophie. Why don't you just ask me what it is you want instead of trying to soften me up?" Sophie giggled, settled herself onto his lap and said, "I want a penguin." Castiel heard Jimmy snort from where he was standing in the kitchen doorway and Castiel felt his eyebrows rise.

"A penguin?"

"Yes."

"We just got you a cat Sophie, don't you think you should spend some time with Socks first? Before you get a penguin?"

"Socks would understand." Castiel chuckled, patted her back and said, "I'm sure he would, but we can't get a penguin, I'm sorry." Sophie pouted, sighed and slid off his lap.

"Well, I tried, but it seems like neither of us is getting a penguin." Sophie said to Claire before the two disappeared into the living room. Jimmy chuckled, sat next to Castiel at the counter and asked, "How was your day?"

"Fine. I worked." Which, of course was a lie.

"Of course you did." Castiel shrugged, nudged an envelope with his finger while Jimmy just sat there, staring at him.

"What?"

"Nothin' Cas. I'm gonna go entertain the girls, come join us okay?"

"Sure Jimmy." Jimmy nodded, hopped off the stool and headed into the living room where Claire and Sophie were. Their shrieking and laughter soon followed. Castiel sighed, rearranged the pile of mail on the counter into a neat stack and headed into the living room where Jimmy and Claire were holding Sophie down while Jimmy tickled her.

Sophie spotted him standing in the doorway, "Papa! Help me! Please-

_Don't do this brother. Please." _

_Ramiel stared at Castiel for a long moment before saying, "You know I have to Castiel."_

"_No! You don't! Ramiel, you don't understand, we've been lied to! Zachariah has-"_

"_You've dirtied yourself Castiel!" Castiel watched as Ramiel made his way across the room, listened as he moved objects around, Castiel had hoped Ramiel would listen to him, would understand all of them had been tricked and lied to._

"_Brother-" Castiel stopped as a familiar smell assaulted his senses. It wasn't the demons blood of earlier, it was cleaner, older._

"_I don't have to do this Castiel. All you need to do is place your loyalties where they belong again."_

_Holy oil, demons blood and an angel's sword were the few things that could actually harm an angel. Castiel had endured the demons blood and the sword; the holy oil terrified him though. He didn't know how he would react to it while it was unlit, knew the fire could kill but if it was just the oil, surely-_

_Ramiel splashed the oil into the wounds littering Castiel's sides, it _burned_ like nothing Castiel had ever known. While the demons blood had ripped into his grace, had torn at it and devoured it, the holy oil just _burned_. It slowly worked through his body, leaving everything in its wake burning and aching with such intensity that Castiel thought he was finally dying._

_Castiel tried to hold his scream in, tried to not give that pleasure to Ramiel, to know he was finally hurting Castiel. He couldn't though, the pain was too much, Castiel cried out and jerked against his restraints, tried to curl in on himself to ease the burning._

"_It can end Cas-_

-tiel!" Castiel gasped, felt Jimmy shaking his shoulder, saw Claire and Sophie watching him with wide, worried eyes while Jimmy shook and yelled his name. Castiel shot up off the floor and raced for the bathroom, bile already working its way up his throat.

He bent over the toilet, gagging and retching pathetically while Jimmy told the girls to put a movie in. Shortly after Jimmy was in the bathroom as well, kneeling down by Castiel's side, "What's going on Cas?"

"Nothing Jimmy." Jimmy snorted and watched as Castiel settled himself onto the cool tile of the floor; it still felt as if the holy oil was burning through his system, phantom aches along his sides and back from where he'd been cut. Jimmy placed a gentle hand on Castiel's back and Castiel couldn't help but flinch away from it, he still _ached_ everywhere.

"Cas, c'mon. You're worrying me here."

"I must have eaten something that didn't agree." Jimmy was silent before he scoffed and said, "I'd believe that but I doubt you've eaten anything. What's going on Cas?"

"_Nothing_."

"Cas, don't push me away. Just tell me what's going on. I want to help here, so does Dean. We're worried about you."

"Please just leave it Jimmy." Jimmy sighed before he stood and headed back to the living room where Castiel could hear Sophie asking what was wrong. Castiel stood, cleaned himself up and joined them.

"You okay Papa?"

"I'm fine Sophie; it was just something I ate." Sophie watched him for a few minutes, looked at Claire then Jimmy, then asked turning her attention back to Castiel, "Can I sleep over at Claire's tonight?" Castiel glared at Jimmy over Sophie's head, his brother simply raised an eyebrow in challenge though, silently daring Castiel to say something.

"Sure, why don't you go pack a bag?" Sophie grinned at him, gave him a tight hug before bounding up the stairs with Claire in tow.

"Glare all you want Cas, I'll take Sophie for the night so you and Dean can talk about whatever the hell is going on with you." Castiel sighed and nodded; they waited for the girls to come downstairs again and said their goodbyes.

Once again, Castiel was left alone.

He tried to work but found himself unable to focus on the computer screen or any of the books or papers he had spread over his desk. So he found himself down in the living room on the couch, a random channel on the TV and his sketchpad spread over his lap, Grace curled up on the couch next to him. He wasn't paying too much attention to what he was drawing, just randomly drawing lines and figures.

"Hey bro." Castiel jerked, a dark line cutting through what he'd been drawing and turned to glare up at Gabriel.

"Some serious thinking you're doing there." Gabriel sat himself down on the other side of Grace, rested a hand on her side and smiled over at Castiel. Castiel simply shrugged, put his pencil and sketchpad away and leaned back against the couch, watching Gabriel. His brother usually announced when he was going to drop by for a visit, or come on their weekly visits but those took place on Saturdays, not Sundays.

"What do you want Gabriel?"

"Can't just come and check up on you?"

"No?"

"You wound me." Castiel sighed, shifted slightly so he could look at Gabriel easier and stroked Grace's head when she placed it on his thigh.

"Just getting sick of Heaven's shit is all, Raphael won't stop his bitching and everyone thinks we've done wrong by averting the apocalypse. I needed a break."

Castiel eyed Gabriel, he suspected Dean had something to do with this; he'd called Jimmy after all so he wouldn't be bothered by calling Gabriel to check up on Castiel.

"So, how's it going bro? You okay?" Castiel rolled his eyes and growled, "I'm getting sick of people asking me that question."

"There a reason they'd be asking that?" Castiel shook his head and turned his attention to the TV, some strange cartoon was playing now, something that Castiel didn't understand. He watched it anyway.

"Well, you know if you ever need to talk about anything I'll come down Cas, all you need to do is ask." Castiel nodded and sighed when Gabriel vanished. He would have to talk to Dean tonight about this; he didn't need his family barging in on his thoughts and into his mind. Especially with the state it was currently in.

* * *

><p>"<em>You call my name, I come to you in pieces<em>

_So you can make me whole._

_I've come undone_

_But you make sense of who I am."_

Pieces – Red


	2. Chapter 2

_Dreaming of the way it used to be, can you hear me?_

_Falling in the black, slipping through the cracks_

_Falling to the depths can I ever go back?_

_Falling inside the black_

Falling Inside the Black - Skillet

* * *

><p>"Well, something's definitely wrong with our boy." Dean cursed as his head slammed into the hood of the car he was currently working on before he turned to glare at Gabriel.<p>

"Thought I told you not to sneak up on me." Gabriel shrugged, pulled a piece of paper from one of his jacket pockets.

"He was drawing this when I popped in." Dean took the piece of paper from Gabriel, unfolded it and swallowed when he saw what was on it. It was definitely one of Cas' drawings, darker though than what he usually did.

"What the hell is this?" Gabriel pointed to the figure that took up most of the center of the page, he couldn't make out any features on the face, but he could tell it was an angel judging by the wings coming from the sides.

"I think that's supposed to be him."

"You think Cas drew himself being tortured? Why?" Gabriel was silent, his gaze focused on the drawing Dean clutched in his hands. If Cas had been tortured…someone would definitely be paying for it.

"When Cas was an angel still…did he ever leave his vessel?"

"Uh…well can't speak for all the times he wasn't around me and Sam, I don't know what he did. But he did get dragged back to Heaven once."

Gabriel's eyes snapped up to Dean's, "Dragged back to Heaven?"

"That's what Anna said." Gabriel grumbled something under his breath and said, "Go home early or something and take the day off tomorrow. I'll be by tomorrow to see if this is what I think it is."

Gabriel vanished before Dean could ask anything else.

"Asshole."

Dean did what Gabriel had said though and headed home early; hoping that Cas would tell him what the hell was going on with him himself.

The house was unusually quiet when Dean let himself into the kitchen, Cas wasn't there cooking, he didn't hear any music coming from upstairs in the office and no TV in the living room. Dean headed into the living room and spotted Cas lying on the couch, Grace's head resting on his stomach as he absently stroked her ears.

"Cas?" Cas jumped, bolted upright and looked at Dean with wild eyes, "Dean! What are you doing home?"

"I got off early. You doing okay?"

"I wish everyone would stop asking that. I'm _fine_." Dean eyed Cas and refrained from saying that he didn't look _fine_. Cas looked like death warmed over, bags under his eyes, face lined with stress and fatigue. Dean knew he hadn't eaten anything today or the night before either.

Instead of bugging him, Dean sat down by Cas' feet and said, "I've got tomorrow off. Anything you want to do?" Cas sighed and rubbed at his forehead; Dean frowned and watched, knowing what the move usually meant.

"Not particularly." Cas finally muttered, hand returning to Grace's head when she let out a little whine.

"Cool, we can just have the house to ourselves. Jimmy said he'd keep Sophie over as long as we needed."

Cas scowled over at Dean and asked, "You spoke to Jimmy?"

"Yeah, he dropped by the shop to tell me that Sophie was spending the night." Dean didn't mention that Jimmy had confirmed Dean's fears of something going on with Cas.

Cas didn't talk much for the rest of the night and Dean didn't push him, not wanting another fight to break out between them. They ordered pizza again for dinner that night which Cas only really fidgeted with instead of eating and when they went up to bed later Dean knew Cas didn't sleep at all that night.

The next day, if at all possible was even worse.

Dean woke up to an empty bed, there was no familiar warmth pressing against his side and Cas' side of the bed was cold. Which had happened…never. Cas was _always_ there when Dean woke up and it was just weird to not have him there. Especially this early in the morning when Cas was generally dead to the world.

Dean got himself out of bed; he checked the bathroom and office for Cas and not finding him headed downstairs. He was about to head into the living room to see if Cas was on the couch again but paused by the kitchen, Cas was seated at the breakfast bar, a chocolate cake in front of him.

"There a bake sale or something I don't know about?" Dean asked, stepping into the kitchen. It looked like a bakery had exploded in here. Cakes, muffins, cupcakes and pies littered the counters, flour, eggshells and empty bags of sugar were everywhere else.

"No." Dean went and stood in front of Cas, watching as he spread frosting over the cake; it was a double-layered chocolate cake with something in the middle, the frosting Cas was spreading over it was chocolate fudge. Dean's mouth was watering, a slice of that cake and a glass of milk and Dean would be set.

Or maybe that apple pie over on the counter, there was a peach pie also and some blueberry muffins…

"You're drooling Dean." Dean grinned unashamedly at Cas, shrugged and said, "You're a great cook Cas, but you're an amazing baker." Which was probably thanks to Dean. When Cas had started experimenting in the first place he'd done it with pies so it would be something Dean would be willing to try.

Dean leaned against the counter watching as Cas turned the plate every now and then to better get the frosting over the surface. He took in the way Cas' mouth was a tight line, took in the way his eyes were slightly squinted.

"You're not getting a migraine are you?" Dean wouldn't be surprised if it were the case, Cas was stressing about something and he was obviously exhausted. All of it could lead up to a migraine.

"Cas?"

Cas sighed and muttered, "Maybe a small one."

"There's nothing small about your migraines babe." Cas shot Dean a glare at the nickname and Dean held up his hands, it wasn't something he could control, it was reflexive.

"You should take one of your pills, not like we've got anything planned today." Cas shook his head, finished frosting the cake, and simply sat there, eyes staring ahead at nothing while his foot absently moved along Grace's side. Dean frowned at the dog, she hadn't left Cas' side pretty much since he'd gotten home, she hadn't clung to him like this since before she'd gotten her hearing back.

"Cas-"

"I don't want to take one Dean."

"It's for your own good." Plus it would make him get some sleep finally; hopefully whatever was going on with Cas would be solved with a good night's rest.

"_No_ Dean." Dean sighed, gave Cas one last look before he turned and headed back upstairs to get the pills, he'd get Cas to take them no matter what it took. He figured it was something Gabriel wouldn't be above doing either, would probably be proud of Dean for doing it in the first place.

When Dean came back downstairs with a pill tucked away in the pocket of his sleep pants he found Cas still sitting at the breakfast bar, staring off into space, chin cupped in his palm.

"At least go and sit in the living room or something, I'll bring you some tea." Cas hesitated before he nodded and headed into the living room, Grace trailing along behind him. Dean rubbed his forehead and went to get the water going along with everything else needed for a cup of tea.

When the water was done, he poured it into the cup with the tea bag, found the blueberry honey Cas had recently become addicted to and poured a generous amount into the cup.

Dean double-checked to make sure Cas was still tucked away in the living room and pulled the pill from his pocket, managed to grind it up without the damn thing shooting across the kitchen and poured the powder into the tea. It probably made him some kind of douchebag, drugging his husband (and Dean _still_ wasn't used to calling Cas that) but it was something that needed to be done. Cas was going to be in pain soon and he was already tired enough, all of that combined did not equal a good time.

"Here you go, one cup of tea with that weird ass honey you like."

"Thank you Dean." Cas took the cup and twisted it around absently, not taking a sip. Dean chewed on his lip as he sat next to Cas, ignoring the grunt of annoyance it got from Grace.

He watched as that cup turned around and around before he finally said, "Better drink it before it goes cold. I know you hate cold tea." Cas swallowed it all down in three gulps, set the cup down on the table and looked at Dean with an eyebrow raised in challenge. It took everything Dean had in himself to not celebrate the fact he'd just drugged the person he loved.

"Yes, I'm happy." Dean said instead. It usually took about an hour for the medicine to kick in, and Dean knew a way to get Cas sleepy enough to where when the pill finally kicked in he wouldn't be able to resist the pull into unconsciousness.

"Wanna go have sex?"

Cas exhaled a long breath and whispered, "God yes."

Thirty minutes later Cas was sprawled over Dean's chest; both of them were catching their breath and covered in sweat and…other things. Dean had to admit, even exhausted and with something on his mind Cas still knew how to leave Dean an incoherent mess.

Cas rolled off Dean, his arms and legs flung out in every direction with no care to the fact that Dean happened to have a hand in his face and a leg situated underneath his own. It wasn't very comfortable but Cas looked on the verge of passing out so he didn't dare move.

Cas' hand slapped against Dean's cheek and he slurred out, "Should shower."

Apparently, drugs kicked in quicker on an empty stomach, Dean had forgotten this. Cas rolled onto his side, nuzzled into Dean's arm and promptly started snoring. Dean rolled his eyes, stumbled out of bed and cleaned himself and Cas up as well as he could with a washcloth, pulled some pants onto Cas and redressed himself before saying, "Alright Gabriel. Now would be a good time for you to show up."

"I'd hate to ask what you two were up to earlier."

"Whatever, just…_fix him_." Gabriel hopped up on the bed and rolled Cas onto his back, rubbed his hands together and Dean asked, "What are you going to do?"

Gabriel placed a palm on Cas' forehead who mumbled something in his sleep while Gabriel said, "Gonna take a look at his dreams." With that, his eyes fell closed and the room fell into silence. Dean waited, and waited and then waited some more. He waited so long he heard the front door open and close and footsteps coming up the stairs. He worried that Jimmy had brought Sophie back home early, but Jimmy and Sam appeared in the doorway both looking concerned.

"Figured we'd drop by. Lend a hand." Sam whispered, coming to stand by Dean while Jimmy moved to the other side of the bed and watched Gabriel with Cas.

A few more minutes passed before Gabriel's hand was jerking off Cas' forehead so quick it was like he'd touched something burning. Dean jumped forward as Gabriel rolled off the bed, spitting out some creative curse words as he went.

"Gabriel? What happened?" Gabriel ignored Dean and paced around the room, cursing and glaring and generally being pissed off. Dean exchanged looks with Jimmy as Cas whimpered, curled in on himself in his sleep and muttered, "No."

Gabriel abruptly ran out of steam, headed back over to the bed and rested his hand on Cas' forehead once more. Cas stilled in his sleep, his forehead smoothed out and he slowly uncurled.

"It's okay bro; I won't let them hurt you again. I promise."

"Gabriel? What the fuck is going on?" Dean stepped forward, aiming to grab Gabriel's shoulder to spin him around and get some actual answers out of the angel, but Gabriel leaned down, pressed a kiss to Cas' forehead and disappeared.

"Son of a _bitch_!"

The room was silent for a few minutes; Dean sat on the edge of the bed and pushed the fringe of hair that had fallen over Cas' forehead off to the side.

"What the hell was that about?" Sam finally asked, he'd been pacing the length of the room while Jimmy and Dean sat on the bed, watching Cas as he slept, thankfully quietly since Gabriel had probably done something to ease his dreams.

"Probably nothing good." Jimmy muttered.

Dean sighed and rubbed a hand over his face and whispered, "How am I supposed to help him if he won't let me in?" Sam stopped his pacing and came to stand by Dean, his hand resting on Dean's shoulder, "You're helping him just by being here Dean."

Dean snorted, not really believing the whole power of love crap, "Right."

"Samantha's right Dean. All we can do now is wait for Gabriel to tell us what the hell is going on and then we'll be able to do something about it."

Dean looked at the two of them, sighed and asked, "And what are we supposed to do in the meantime? Braid each other's hair and paint our nails?"

"If that's what you really want to do I could always get Amelia's nail polish. Or if you're up for brighter colors I'm sure Claire has got some neon ones." Dean glared at Jimmy, ignored Sam's snicker, continued glaring at the two of them as Sam threw his arm around Jimmy's shoulder, and said, "Oh, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

And here Dean had thought he'd have Jimmy on _his_ side when it came to torturing. He grumbled at the two of them and headed downstairs to watch some TV while they waited for Gabriel to come back or for Cas to wake up.

Dean didn't even want to know how the hell they ended up watching a _soap opera_ of all things, but apparently it was the only thing on TV and the they were all settled on the couch, discussing the plot of all things.

Sam sat up straighter with an excited, "Oh!"

Jimmy looked over at him and asked, "Oh 'I just found out who the baby's father is', or oh 'I can't believe she just did that?'"

Sam, looking extremely pleased with himself said, "Both."

"Who is it then?"

"Valerie slept with Mark _and_ Todd, but it has to be Mark's baby since Todd had that whole ordeal last week when he found out he was sterile!"

"I knew it!"

"Then why'd you have to ask?"

"Wanted to see if you'd gotten it right." Sam rolled his eyes at Jimmy while Jimmy grinned at him and Dean hid behind his hand muttering, "How do you _know_ this shit?"

Sam ignored Dean, and looking pleased with himself again said, "Of course I got it right." Jimmy opened his mouth to reply but they were all interrupted by Cas asking from behind them, "What's going on?"

All three jumped and turned to look behind them, none of them had heard Cas making his way downstairs. Safe to say Cas looked immediately suspicious and worried that the three of them were seated on the couch, watching a damn _soap opera._

Jimmy threw one arm around Dean's shoulders and the other around Sam's and cheerfully said, "Oh just some manly bonding! Except for Samantha here." Dean couldn't help the snort that escaped at Sam's glare and his grumbled, "If you call me that _one more time_…"

"You'll what?" Jimmy eyed Sam, his jaw set and chin raised in such a way that reminded Dean of Cas when Cas was being a stubborn little bastard.

Sam returned Jimmy's look and tackled him to the floor, Jimmy grunting in surprise. Cas gave Dean a look, eyebrows raised as their brothers rolled around on the floor.

"This has got to be one of the weirdest dreams ever."

"Unfortunately you're awake Cas, and sadly so am I. C'mon, let's ditch these nutjobs." Dean stood up from the couch and headed for Cas, ignoring the Jimmy's and Sam's indignant, "Hey!"

Cas sighed and rolled his eyes but leaned into Dean's side when Dean pulled him close, "I hear there's perfectly good cake in the kitchen, we should get us some."

Jimmy's head popped up over the edge of the couch like a little jack-in-the-box, "Cake? Why did no one say there was cake?"

"Dude, Cas practically baked something for the whole neighborhood this morning. There's _everything_." Cas' cheeks turned a little red and Dean couldn't help but press a kiss to the soft hair at his temple.

Then Jimmy was there on Cas' other side, Sam with him as he said, "Well, I'm sure I speak for Sam as well when I say we'll be more than happy to help you get rid of that problem." Dean rolled his eyes at Jimmy, delighted in the small smile it pulled from Cas and the four of them headed into the kitchen.

It was an awkward silence that fell over the four of them as they ate their various baked goods. Dean was enjoying the apple pie, Jimmy the chocolate cake (which had raspberry preserves in the middle, Dean had been tempted to actually deviate from his beloved apple pie) and Sam was enjoying the peach pie.

The awkward silence was finally broken by Cas, "So, not that I don't like having everyone over, but what are you doing here?"

"This pie is wonderful Cas." Sam muttered, stuffing his mouth with it, much like Dean usually did, he had to be proud of the kids form. Dean nodded his agreement and filled his own mouth; Cas turned his attention to Jimmy, eyebrows raised.

"We…um. Well…you see…"

"They stopped by because the girls wanted to have a day for themselves." Dean interrupted, glaring at Jimmy. He never could deny Cas anything when looked at like that.

Cas looked like he didn't believe a word of it.

"Yeah, Sarah and Amelia said they needed to have a testosterone free day," Sam shrugged, smiled and shoved more pie into his mouth, "What can you do huh?"

Jimmy nodded his agreement, "I certainly didn't want to be couched." Cas grunted, clearly still having issues believing them but he stood up anyway and headed into the kitchen for whatever reason. Jimmy sighed, dropped his fork to his plate and Dean rubbed the back of his neck. He felt bad for lying to Cas, but he knew Cas would throw a fit of epic proportions if he knew what was _really_ going on.

Sam pushed the rest of his pie around on this plate and whispered, "Well that was close."

When Dean was finished with his pie, he left Jimmy and Sam to clean everything up and went to find Cas.

"Come on Cas; let's go upstairs for a bit." Cas turned away from the kitchen window to eye Dean, who simply smiled and held out his hand. Cas sighed, took it and allowed himself to be dragged upstairs. Dean pushed Cas onto the bed and ignored Cas' look of annoyance as Dean tucked him into the blankets and pillows.

"I don't need to sleep Dean. I just woke up in case you forgot." Dean didn't bother mentioning that Cas had only slept for a few hours and could probably go for a bit more, especially if his migraine medication was still kicking around in his system. Dean was surprised Cas was even coherent.

"You don't need to sleep Cas; just want to spend some time with you is all."

"We've already spent time together."

"Not _that_ kind of time." Dean muttered, crawling into bed beside Cas. Cas watched him for a moment before scooting over and curling into Dean's side, face pressing against Dean's neck.

"How's your head?"

"Better, still hurts but it's not as bad." Cas muttered, sighing quietly when Dean buried his fingers into the dark, thick hair. Dean smiled and gently rubbed his fingers over Cas' head, gently tugging on hair and soothing with his fingertips until Cas was humming quietly in his pleasure.

It didn't take long for Dean to work Cas into a light doze, fingers moving from his head to his shoulders and finally down to his lower back.

When Cas was finally asleep Dean moved out of the room as quietly as possible, the house was dark and quiet but he hadn't heard Jimmy or Sam leave, so he knew they were here somewhere. He found Sam in the office sprawled on the couch, woke him up and went to find Jimmy who was snoring into Sophie's pillow.

"Rise and shine princess." Jimmy woke with a snort, glared at Dean and followed him and Sam back into Dean and Cas' room. Dean muttered, "Alright, Gabriel the douchebag, time for you to show up." He didn't expect Gabriel to show up at all so he was surprised when the archangel popped into existence at the end of the bed.

"Okay, time for you to tell us what the hell is going on." Dean hissed, keeping quiet so as not to wake Cas. Gabriel sighed quietly, rested two fingers on Cas' forehead to keep him under and moved further into the room to stand in front of Sam, Jimmy and Dean. The archangel actually looked exhausted, his shoulders were slumped and he had a defeated kind of look to him.

"I think it's better if I show you instead. It might be easier for you to understand." Gabriel moved back to the bed, standing by Cas' side while Jimmy, Sam and Dean moved closer as well. Gabriel paused with his hand over Cas' forehead and said, "Be warned, it's not pretty."

_None of them had a chance to ask anything before the room went dark and Dean felt like he was being punched in the gut. When his senses came back online he was pleased to note that neither Sam nor Jimmy had fared any better, all three were gasping and bent over._

"_What the hell was that?" Dean snapped, righting himself._

"_Welcome to Cas' dream." Gabriel muttered, arms crossed over his chest and eyes focused forward. Dean looked around, they were in some kind of room, it was bland and windowless, not even a door. Much like the green room Dean had been in all those years ago, just nothing as extravagant._

_Dean felt his heart leap into his throat and his stomach twisted itself into knots when his eyes landed on the figure in the middle of the room. He was strung up by his wings, hooks piercing the flesh just beneath the arch. His hands were bound and hanging loosely by his sides, his feet were dangling inches off the floor, toes barely touching as he swung gently with every twitch that ran through his body._

_It wasn't the Cas he knew, but there were similarities, dark hair, eyes that were too blue, the same strong jaw. Dean's eyes kept going back to those wings though._

_The feathers were that same glossy black as the feather that was hung up in their living room. Blues and greens shimmering along the dark surface as the light shifted, they would have been beautiful had they not been so ravaged. Feathers were missing in clumps, some parts were bent into awkward angles, and to Dean's utter horror there was blood and something that was a bright silvery-blue color pooling on the floor directly beneath wings that shouldn't have looked so damaged._

"_Cas…" Dean raced forward, heard Jimmy and Sam scrambling forward with him. He needed to get Cas down, needed to help him, needed to show him he was safe and nothing could hurt him like this ever again._

_Dean's hand passed right through Cas' body, as did Jimmy's and Sam's._

_Up close Dean could see the damage done to the wings, could see the cuts and slashes littering that body, sigils were burned into the underside of his wings, into his sides, his thighs…_

"_Where are we exactly?" Jimmy asked, turning his attention to Gabriel who had joined them._

"_This…this is Heaven's 'rehabilitation'." Gabriel didn't sound at all pleased; Dean couldn't blame him, he himself felt ready to go on a murderous rampage. The dicks had done this to _his_ Cas._

"_They bound him into this form, makes him weaker, easier to hurt. Locked him into this room, those sigils on the bindings keep his powers in check. What was only a few days on Earth for you guys was several months of this for Castiel."_

_Dean felt like throwing up._

_They all jumped away when Cas suddenly whimpered, his breath hitching in his chest, toes flexing as he tried to get his weight off of his wings._

_Sam looked away from Cas, turned his attention to Gabriel and quietly asked, "Can't you-"_

"_No. I can't stop what has already happened Sam. This is a memory, a dream, we're only observers here."_

_Dean felt his hands clench into fists, if Zachariah wasn't already dead he'd be killing the dick all over again, and enjoying it a hell of a lot more._

_An angel Dean had never seen before popped into the room in front of Cas, "Well Castiel? What do you say brother?"_

"_No." Dean, Sam and Jimmy backed away as the new angel moved around Cas._

"_That's Ramiel, he and Castiel used to be close." Gabriel muttered, coming to stand by the three of them as Ramiel moved to the small table set in the corner of the room. There wasn't much on it, a jug of holy oil, a small container of what looked like blood and one of the swords angels carried. Dean had a sick feeling that that sword was Cas' own._

_Ramiel picked up a small needle from the table, Dean would have laughed at the fact that an _angel_ was using a needle, but he couldn't find the joke in the situation. This was _Cas_ being tortured._

"_What is he doing?" Sam whispered, he looked how Dean felt. Pissed, sick to his stomach and incredibly sad. None of them had even known what Cas had gone through when he'd been dragged back to Heaven. Anna had said it was bad, but Dean hadn't the slightest idea how bad._

"_That's demons blood. Poisonous to angels, one of the few things that can actually hurt us. It tears at your grace, rips it apart until there's barely anything left." Dean squeezed his eyes shut as Cas' scream ripped through the room, it tore through Dean and ate at him, and he'd probably have his own nightmares of this._

_Cas' scream choked off, he whimpered and gasped, "Please brother…don't do this."_

"_It's for your own good Castiel." Dean watched long enough to see the needle pierce the skin where wing joined back, Cas thrashed and whimpered again, the motions causing the hooks in his wings to tear more, to dig deeper._

_Jimmy turned away from it all, hands over his eyes as he whispered, "Why would _angels_ do something like this?"_

"_Because they're spineless dicks, that's why!" Dean shouted. He wished he could hit something, kick and punch and break until he was drained and empty._

_Another whimper came from Cas, more thrashing and cut off cries._

"_I'll kill them all." Dean growled, crossing his arms across his chest, hands clenched so tight his nails bit into his palms._

_Gabriel turned and looked at Dean and said, "You can't."_

"_Why? Because they're angels? Well I don't fucking care!"_

_Gabriel stepped into Dean's personal bubble, he was nothing like the carefree Gabriel he knew, nothing joking or smiling. He was pure archangel now, all wrath and divine justice, "You can't because they're already dead. I made sure they begged for it just like they made my brother beg for it."_

_Dean had never been scared of Gabriel, but he was in that moment._

_Dean's attention returned to Castiel as Zachariah appeared in the room, everything holding Castiel up vanished as Zachariah snapped his fingers. Cas' cry as he landed on his knees in front of Zachariah echoed throughout the room and all Dean wanted to do was rush over and pull Cas onto his lap and make everything okay again._

"_Castiel, Castiel, Castiel. When will you ever learn? It breaks my heart to have to do this to you." Zachariah stood in front of Cas while Ramiel stood behind him, hands resting on Cas' wings._

_Cas managed to glare up at Zachariah and ground out, "You have no heart."_

_Gabriel chuckled from beside Dean and muttered, "That's my little bro."_

_Ramiel jerked on one of Cas' wings, Cas bit off a scream as he curled forward, trying to pull away from the pain, Ramiel's hands kept him upright though._

"_Your loyalty is admirable if misplaced. Do you really think those puny mud monkeys love you? You're nothing but a weapon for them!"_

"_Dean-" Another tug on his wings from Ramiel cut Cas off._

"_You serve Heaven! You don't serve man and most certainly not Dean Winchester!" The urge to puke was strong again, Dean squeezed his eyes shut, "They tortured him because of me."_

_Sam's hand found Dean's shoulder, his eyes were sad and concerned, "Dean…it's not your fault. They're the only ones to blame here. Not you."_

"_You will not leave this room until you learn your place again Castiel."_

"_Then I will never leave. I rather you kill me than betray Dean." Dean's vision blurred and he turned to look away. Jimmy was already crying beside him and Sam looked on the verge himself, Dean couldn't cry, not here, not now. He swiped angrily at his eyes, glared at Zachariah and wished he could kill the smarmy son of a bitch all over again._

"_Oh, I won't kill you Castiel. You'll just wish you were dead." Zachariah twirled one of the swords around in his hand, looking down at Cas with a smug smile on his face. He looked ready to plunge it deep into Cas' chest when he paused, grinned and said, "Well, isn't this interesting."_

_Cas glared up at Zachariah as he yanked Cas' head back by his hair, "You might be able to endure your own suffering, but are you willing to let your vessel and his family die?"_

_Cas' glare faltered, "What?"_

"_Your pretty little vessel is dying Castiel. His daughter will soon follow. All because you came into their lives!" Zachariah released Cas' head and walked around him in a circle, smiling and sounding smug as he asked, "Are you willing to let them pay for your mistakes? If you hadn't interfered in their lives none of this would have happened."_

_Zachariah bent down and looked at Cas, "Last chance Castiel. If your vessel and his daughter die, the line ends for you. There will be no way for you to ever return to your precious Dean. If the line ends…well…let's just say you'll be here for a very long time. Eternity sums it up real nice don't you think?"_

"_Jesus Cas…" Dean whispered, vision blurring again. He could remember his rage at Cas that night, could remember Jimmy being equally pissed off, yelling his frustration to the night sky, cursing Cas. If they'd known…_

"_How do I know," Cas grunted with the effort of trying to sit up straighter, to not be kneeling before Zachariah, "you're not lying?" Zachariah waved a hand and the wall in front of them showed the scene that had happened in the warehouse that night. Jimmy lying on the floor dying, one of the demons heading for Claire to kill her, Sam and Dean fighting their own captors._

_Cas watched it all; knowing Cas as well Dean did now he knew he was agonizing over this choice. He didn't want to betray Dean, but he didn't want to break his promise to Jimmy either._

"_So what's it going to be Castiel?" Zachariah tugged on Cas' hair again to get his attention, "Your vessel? Or Dean?"_

"_I-"_

"_You can save your vessel! All you have to do is place your loyalties in their rightful place once more."_

_Cas' gaze lowered to the floor as he whispered, "Alright."_

"_Alright what Castiel?"_

"_I…yield."_

_Dean heard Jimmy try to cover up his sob, "Oh Lord…be broke because of me." Jimmy turned and walked away to the farthest corner in the room, his back turned to everything going on, shoulders shaking. Dean chewed on his lip and reluctantly turned back to watch Cas._

"_Say it Castiel! Say you serve Heaven!"_

"_I…" Cas trailed off, his eyes returning to the scene playing like some sick movie on the wall in front of him. Zachariah nodded to Ramiel who snapped one of the bones in Cas' wings like it was nothing more than a twig._

"_Time is running out Castiel. How much longer do you think they can last?"_

"_I serve Heaven, I don't serve mankind."_

"_That's why he said what he did in the warehouse. They were probably watching him." Sam muttered, he was chewing on a fingernail and glaring over at Zachariah much like Dean was._

"_Not good enough Castiel. Tell me what I want to hear."_

"_I don't…" Ramiel tugged on Cas' wings again, "I don't serve Dean."_

"_There! That wasn't so hard was it?" Zachariah grinned down at Castiel, "Now Castiel, I'm going to let you go. But now if you ever dare cross me again, you want to be the only one to pay for your sins."_

_Zachariah turned to Ramiel and said, "Let him go, don't bother with healing him, let it serve as a reminder."_

"_Son of a _bitch_. That explains why Cas walked out of there instead of zapping off. I just thought he was trying to make a point or something." Dean muttered, watching as Castiel was released, his wings dragging behind him, broken and branded._

"_I think we've seen enough." Gabriel whispered, snapping his fingers. The room disappeared along with the angels. It was all replaced with a field filled with bright flowers and a bright blue blur shooting past where they were all standing._

_A high-pitched giggle that reminded Dean of warm summer days, apple pie and church bells ringing in the distance reached their ears, "You can't catch me Gabriel!"_

_The blue blur slowed and Dean recognized the dark wings and the color of blue that stared at him every morning when he woke up to Cas staring at him. It was Cas, young and healthy, giggling and laughing as he flew around the field, Gabriel chasing after him. The non-dream Gabriel chuckled quietly from beside them, snapped his fingers again and Dean was back in his bedroom._

The four of them stood in silence, Gabriel nodded at them and disappeared, probably back to Heaven. Jimmy took a deep breath, turned and walked out of the room, quietly locking himself into the office across the hall.

Sam looked over at Dean, forehead creased with worry, "Are you going to be okay Dean?" Dean honestly didn't know, but he nodded anyway and Sam sighed, squeezed Dean's shoulder and said, "I'm going to head home. I'll be back tomorrow alright?"

"Okay." Sam squeezed his shoulder again and disappeared downstairs and out the front door. Dean continued standing where he was before he finally moved and crawled into bed beside Cas. Cas looked peaceful in his sleep now, a small smile on his face while he dreamt of happier times with Gabriel up in Heaven before his life went upside down when Dean entered it.

Dean sighed, gently placed his hand on Cas' cheek, and whispered, "I really don't deserve you Cas." Cas sighed in his sleep and shifted closer to the warmth of Dean's body, mumbling incoherently in his sleep.

For once, it was Dean watching Cas sleep instead of the other way around. He couldn't help but just stare at Cas, the parted lips, gentle rise and fall of his chest as he breathed deep and slow. Dean brushed his thumb along Cas' cheek; he still couldn't believe Cas was here with him after everything they'd all been though.

Cas had given up more than Dean could even comprehend, he'd killed his own brothers, hell he'd even died twice, but here he was, curled against Dean's side and snoring lightly in his sleep. Even after everything he'd been through (most of which Dean hadn't even known about or understood) Cas was still _his _Cas. His sweet, stubborn, beautiful and loving _Cas_.

Dean really didn't deserve him.

Castiel woke in the morning warm and perfectly content to stay in bed where he was for the remainder of the day. Grace was curled down by his feet; Dean's chest was pressed firmly to his back, arm tight over Castiel's waist as he snored into Castiel's shoulder.

Castiel smiled, completely prepared to fall back into sleep, the last few days nearly forgotten when he heard someone walking around in his office. He knew Sophie wasn't home or else she would have made herself known for wanting breakfast by now, Grace was down by his feet and Dean of course was behind him.

Jimmy or Sam wouldn't have stayed the night, having their own families to return to, but he could hear those footsteps moving around, pacing by the sounds of it. Since Grace wasn't bothered with it, it had to be someone they knew, someone she trusted.

With a sigh, Castiel slowly untangled himself from Dean's grasp and crawled out of bed, hoping to not wake Dean. Grace hopped off the bed when Castiel opened the bedroom door, grateful that it didn't squeak or groan like it easily could have.

Castiel could hear Jimmy's voice coming from the office, the door was opened a crack like he had meant to close it all the way but it had bounced off something or had lost momentum. Castiel paused on the outside of the door, knowing he shouldn't eavesdrop on the conversation Jimmy was having, he was on the phone talking to Amelia by the sounds of it, but Castiel couldn't help himself.

Jimmy sounded as distraught as he ever had as he paced back and forth, "You don't understand Amelia, I _saw_ what he went through. He was _tortured_ by his own brothers! All because he thought he was doing the right thing and he never broke, not once, not until he saw what was happening with us. He broke to protect us Ames."

Castiel felt himself frown, Jimmy was silent, listening to whatever Amelia was saying on the other end of the phone. How had Jimmy known any of this? Castiel hadn't spoken of what had happened there was no way they could know.

"I know it sounds weird Amelia, but he _is_ my twin, my other half, and I don't think I'd ever be complete without him. I love you and Claire, but I love him too. I know you don't understand, but he's not the one to blame for what happened. If you'd seen what I saw, you would be where I am."

Castiel moved away from the door and headed downstairs as quietly as he could, not wanting to eavesdrop anymore. He sat down on the couch in the living room, Grace hopped up beside him immediately and placed her head on his thigh, he absently stroked her head while he thought.

Dean and Jimmy couldn't know what had happened, he'd never spoken to Dean about it and while he'd been inside of Jimmy he'd been sure to keep himself apart from Jimmy so that he would be kept as separate as possible from everything that Castiel was witnessing and experiencing.

The only one that could have any idea, could have told…

Castiel sighed and muttered, "Gabriel."

Nothing.

"Don't be a coward Gabriel. Get down here and tell me what you've done."

Still nothing.

Castiel sighed, played with Grace's ears and waited patiently for Dean and Jimmy to make their way downstairs.

An hour later Castiel heard Dean thundering down the stairs just as Sam was letting himself in through the front door; he was closely followed by Amelia.

Of all the people Castiel wanted to see at that moment Amelia was not one of them. Their relationship was still a little strained, but she was coming around slowly but surely. They talked sometimes on the phone when Castiel called to talk with Jimmy and she sometimes dropped Claire off or picked up Sophie to have the two girls spend some time together.

And if Jimmy had told his wife what Castiel had been through, the last thing he wanted was her pity.

"Morning Cas, sleep well?" Sam asked, coming to sit in the armchair across from the couch. Castiel eyed him and nodded. He had slept rather well, couldn't remember his dreams at all, but he probably had Gabriel to thank for that.

Dean gripped the back of Castiel's neck in greeting while Jimmy went and greeted Amelia; it took a moment for him to realize they were all staring at him. He finally understood why Dean had hated it when Castiel had stared so much.

Castiel hopped up to his feet and immediately they were all asking, "What are you doing Cas?"

Castiel frowned at them, pointed his thumb over his shoulder, "I'm going to make breakfast."

"Oh I'll do it!" Jimmy said, rushing towards the kitchen, dragging Amelia behind him, "Me and Amelia will make breakfast! You sit and relax Cas."

Castiel glared at Jimmy's back, sighed and said, "Fine, I'll take out the trash."

"I'll do it! Seriously Cas, sit down, chill out." Sam hopped up to his feet and rushed into the kitchen to get the trash. Dean sat down on the couch behind Castiel and patted the cushion next to him.

"You might as well sit down Cas." Castiel sighed and sat next to Dean, hand going back to Grace's head when she returned it to his thigh. Castiel was tempted to just tell Dean he knew, knew that they knew everything; he just didn't know how they knew. Didn't know if Gabriel had told them or simply shown them whatever dream Castiel had been having the night before.

He just wanted this awkwardness and tension gone. Didn't want everyone treating him like he was something that would break, like he was weak.

Castiel didn't say anything though, simply leaned into Dean's side and continued as if he didn't know anything, as if he didn't feel the tension in the air. He didn't want to talk about it; he just wanted it all to be over with.

After breakfast they were all gathered in the kitchen, Sam and Dean were doing the dishes (if only Castiel could get Dean to do the dishes _all_ the time he'd be perfectly happy), Jimmy had gone off to talk to Claire on the phone and Castiel was seated at the breakfast bar watching everything.

Amelia approached, looking hesitant and a little shy, Castiel watched from the corner of his eye as she sat herself beside him and asked, "Can I talk to you?"

Castiel hesitated, turned to look at her fully and said, "Of course."

"I just…I wanted to tell you that I understand now, why you did the things you did. Why you took Jimmy."

Castiel didn't want to hear this, not now, not ever. He didn't want her pity and he didn't want her apologies simply because she felt guilty or obligated to, "Amelia, I-"

"No, Castiel. Please, let me say this," she took a deep breath and Castiel settled himself to hear what she had to say, "I'm not saying I can forget the hurt of having Jimmy taken from me, but I know now you're not the one to blame. Out of all the angels you're probably the only one I don't blame."

She glanced over to where Jimmy had come back into the kitchen and was helping Dean wash the pots and pans from breakfast, the two were flicking soapy water at Sam who was glaring and flicking water back at the two.

Amelia smiled a little at the trio and returned her attention to Castiel, "You were just doing what you believed was right, even if it wasn't. In the end you came through for us though, I wouldn't have my family anymore if it wasn't for you. That makes you family as well."

"Amelia-"

Amelia cut him off with a wave of her hand, "I love Jimmy with all my heart, and now you're a big part of him, I think after having an angel inside of him for so long he feels empty, incomplete. But with you around, he's more of himself, I think…as corny as this sounds, you complete him. I'm sure in time I can come to love you as well, but until then, friends?" She held her hand out to shake and Castiel stared at it for a moment before ignoring it and pulling her into a hug.

She was tense for a few moments before she relaxed and returned his embrace.

When they pulled apart, Amelia's eyes were a little misty with unshed tears, Castiel himself felt on the verge of tears, but he held them back and gave her a shaky smile, "How did you know?"

Amelia looked at him for a moment before saying, "Jimmy told me. He said that Gabriel had shown him, Dean and Sam what you'd gone through. I didn't understand most of it, but he said something about a dream."

Castiel nodded, thanked her and headed out of the kitchen.

He was glad he and Amelia would be able to further their relationship, but he was pissed as well. His family, the people he trusted, had gone into his mind, without his permission, and seen everything that he didn't want them to see.

"Cas?" Castiel ignored Dean and continued heading through the dining room and into the living room, he ignored Gabriel when the archangel popped up in the middle of his path and headed into the bathroom down the hall, Grace scrambling after him.

"Cas!" Castiel slammed the door shut behind him, locked it and found a spare blade for the razors under the sink. With a quick slash to his forearm, he was painting an Enochian sigil on the door that would keep Gabriel _out_.

"Cas!" Dean pounded on the door as Castiel sat himself down on the floor, wrapping a washcloth around the cut. Grace whined and curled up on the floor beside him, practically crawling into his lap.

"I know Gracie." Castiel muttered, stroking her head in reassurance.

"You better not be doing something stupid in there Cas."

Castiel rolled his eyes at Dean's voice, "I'm not doing anything Dean. Just go away."

"Why?"

"Because I'm pissed off at you that's why!" Silence greeted him from the other side of the door and Castiel knew Gabriel was trying to find a way in. Dean or Sam could easily pick the lock on the bathroom door, or kick it open but since Castiel was seated directly in front of the door they didn't want to do that.

He heard Dean sigh on the other side of the door, heard a thump that was most likely Dean sitting down, "Why are you pissed Cas?"

Castiel sighed; he just wanted to be left alone for a little while. Work out his thoughts so when he was prepared to talk to Dean and everyone else about this he wouldn't be angry and had no chance of saying something he would regret.

"You had _no right_ to go into my head Dean."

"Cas-"

"No Dean, those are my memories! My thoughts! You had no business in them! You think just because you're my brothers and my husband that you can just violate my privacy?" Castiel had never felt this angry before, he'd been angry before sure, but never at Dean, never at his family.

There was another thump as someone else joined Dean on the floor in front of the bathroom door, Castiel assumed it was Jimmy and was proven right when Jimmy said, "It's because we were worried about you Cas."

Castiel snorted and glared at the wall in front of him. He knew he was being childish, locking himself in the bathroom to stew in his anger. But they'd gone into his mind, without his permission and seen his darkest secrets, and they had planned to not even tell him. Just act as if everything was normal and okay.

He heard Dean sigh as he said, "You wouldn't let me in Cas. I just wanted to help you but you wouldn't let me. What else was I supposed to do?"

"Wait for me to tell you!" Castiel snapped, ignoring Grace's distressed whine as she shifted closer, trying to soothe him. Castiel clutched at her collar in one hand while the other dug into the thick fur around her neck.

"Would you have?" Dean asked quietly. Castiel hesitated, no, he probably wouldn't have. He would have kept on going; just like Dean, he was too stubborn when it came to letting other people help him.

"Just open the door Cas, and we'll all go and sit down and we can talk alright?"

"You hate talking Dean."

Dean chuckled, "Cas, I'd go through Hell all over again if it meant helping you." Castiel sighed, looked down at Grace who was looking up at him. He sighed again, stood and opened the door.

They settled in the living room. Jimmy, Dean and Sam were on the couch while Gabriel stood off to the side and Cas sat in the chair in front of them all, Grace practically crawling into his lap. Amelia had left shortly after Cas had locked himself in the bathroom, Dean was glad for it, he didn't think Cas would do any sort of opening up in front of her.

Dean and Cas were a lot alike in how they didn't talk about their feelings or whatever was on their mind. Dean knew Cas probably got them from Dean, which Dean was in no way proud of. He knew he wasn't the best role model of humanity for an ex-angel to take lessons from. Despite it all Cas was still _good_, still something holy no matter how much he rolled around in humanity.

Cas stood and paced the length of the living room a few times before Dean stood as well, blocking his path. They stared at each other for a few minutes before Dean put his hands on Cas' shoulders and said, "What they did to you Cas, I get it. I went through Hell, literally, for forty years. Nothing compares to what you went through though because they were your brothers." Cas' eyes shifted down and away from Dean, fixing on the floor by Gabriel's feet.

Grace whined, came across the room and leaned against Cas' legs, nudging and licking at his hand when he made no move to pet her.

Dean took a deep breath, squeezed Cas' shoulders and continued, "They were supposed to look out for you, not torture you for standing up to what you believe."

Cas pulled away from Dean, turning so his back was to everyone. Dean held himself back from following Cas, wanting to comfort, touch, and soothe all those old wounds. Cas' shoulders hunched, he wrapped his arms around himself and lowered his head.

Grace let out another whine, figured the dog would have been noticing Cas' mood for the last few days, if only Dean had paid more attention to her this could have been avoided.

When Cas' shoulders started shaking Dean took a step forward only to be stopped by Gabriel. He glared at the archangel who shook his head, and looking incredibly awkward stepped forward and tugged Cas into a hug.

Cas resisted for a moment before he finally settled into Gabriel's embrace, sobbing and shaking and clutching at his brother.

They could all only stand by and listen as Cas finally let loose everything that had been bottled up inside. In between his sobs and hiccups he told them how his wings had been broken over and over, how Zachariah and Ramiel had injected demon blood into him, poured holy oil onto his wounds, branded 'traitor' into his wings, how they'd laughed and mocked his pain.

Dean wanted nothing more than to go to Cas and comfort him, show him that nothing like that would never happen to him again. This was something for Gabriel to do apparently, when Cas finally quieted, sniffing hiding his face against Gabriel's neck, Gabriel whispered, "It's okay Cas. You don't have to worry about them anymore. I took care of it all."

Cas pulled his head up from Gabriel's shoulder, sniffed, hiccupped and blinked at Gabriel. Gabriel chuckled, wiped the tears from Cas' cheeks, "You're gonna be okay. I've got your back bro."

Cas nodded and Gabriel tugged him back into another hug, Jimmy joined them a moment later soon followed by Sam and then finally Dean who said, "If anyone ever says anything about this I'm destroying every blueberry I come in contact with."

It took a few weeks for everything to finally settle down again. Cas' flashbacks didn't return, but there were still nightmares, which eventually died down, and whenever they did happen, Dean just held Cas a little tighter at night.

Now though, Cas was staring at him, all earnest blue eyes while Sam shot him the puppy dog look. Dean hated when the two ganged up on him.

"No way."

"Oh c'mon Dean, this hunt needs all three of us and you know it!" Sam said, waving the folder Bobby had given him under Dean's nose. Cas nodded his agreement, crossed his arms and upped the pathetic look even more.

"Cas are you sure you're up-"

"I'm fine Dean," Cas snatched the folder from Sam's hands and waved it in front of Dean's face, "It's a werewolf Dean. We haven't had one of those in a while." Dean sighed and nodded, there was no way he could fight against Sam and Cas when they teamed up. Plus it was a gorgeous spring day, Dean just couldn't do it.

"Fine, but Cas if you so much as…" Dean trailed off because Cas was already gone and waiting in the backseat of the Impala, gesturing for them to get a move on already. Sam chuckled and folded himself into the passenger seat while Dean headed around the front of the car and settled himself behind the wheel.

Cas smiled at him in the rearview mirror and Dean once again felt that little urge to lock Cas away in the house swell up. He wanted to protect Cas, keep him safe and sound and away from danger, but if Cas was set on going on this hunt with them, there was no way to keep him home. Dean just had to remind himself Cas hadn't had a flashback for three weeks now and his nights had been nightmare free for about four days now.

Sam nudged Dean's side with his elbow and said, "What did I tell you? Talking about your feelings totally helps."

Cas chuckled from the backseat; Dean rolled his eyes and put on his sunglasses, "Whatever Princess."

Sam's retort was drowned out in the roar of the Impala's engine and the sound of Led Zeppelin blaring from the speakers as they headed north.

* * *

><p><em>Honesty is what you need,<em>

_It sets you free like someone to save you_

_Let it go, but hurry now, there's undertow_

_And I don't want to lose you now_

Someone to Save You - OneRepublic


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